This blog is simply the story about my little life
with my sweet family that the Lord has blessed me with
and the day in, day out things that we do.
It basically is my online diary/photo album of our life.
I'm glad you're here!

Friday, June 24, 2016

Do what is right, not what is easy.

My husband and I have been going through a very emotional battle as we are trying to stand up for a vulnerable person whom we love very much.
 We have been quite the detective team, a little like Agent Maxwell Smart and his trusty sidekick, Agent 99.
I have been a bit of Nancy Drew.........
 .....mixed with Erin Brockovich.
 It's been emotionally draining.
 But it's important to stand up for people and...
 ...if you don't take a risk and stand up, what we allow will continue.
 We have been in much prayer about it and were listening to our hearts and our guts.
Being neutral is sometimes easier for people because you don't get out of your comfort zone, but I believe the saying above, "Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim"
 We spoke up. We fought for justice. We actually started this whole journey with face to face communication, which didn't work. We talked over the phone and sent texts but our concerns were not addressed, in fact they were dismissed. We finally wrote emails to the whole family expressing our concerns and that's when things got ugly. Instead of opening up a conversation, we were hit with insults, accusations and our motives and character were questioned.
We were told we were controlling and jealous and had a need for appreciation. It was absolutely ridiculous how low the blows got towards us. We never, ever attacked anyone. We stated facts and real concerns about our loved one. This resorted in us getting photographic evidence and spoke with witnesses, which we presented to the family, but again our concerns were ignored and ideas dismissed.
Hate is a very strong word, but we feel hated by a certain person. This person is fine if she is getting her way, but if you cross her, we have sadly found out that she does not like you and she gets mean. She resorted to making false judgments against us and name calling.
We were bullied by her.
I don't like the feeling of being hated, but my husband and I felt we had no choice and we had to stand up against her. We love the weaker person that we are standing up for, so we had to do the right thing. What is so sad is that it didn't have to lead to hatred, why couldn't this person just talk with us and listen to us and problem solve with us instead of coming at us with her claws out? My husband and I have absolutely nothing to gain by standing up for our loved one, other than knowing that he will be safe and not taken advantage of.
What's so extra difficult is that the other person is a Christian and she feels strong in her convictions, but instead of discussing things with us, she got mad and simply just cut us off and cut us out of her life. She told me that I need to stay out of it and I don't get have  say in the matter. She defriended me and all of my kids on Facebook and her daughter did the same. So childish and also so hurtful. That is emotional blackmail and bullying. That shows just how much she values our relationship if she's willing to throw us away just so she can be "right".
 There is right and there is wrong, the thing that was going on was WRONG! Taking advantage of a weaker person who is kind and sweet and vulnerable is just plain WRONG!
We prayed and trusted God.
 We were like bulldogs and did not let go. This has been a very difficult time and I really had to watch it because it could be all consuming. If we didn't feel that we needed to protect this person, it would have been easy to just walk away, but we couldn't. We had to be smart and strategic, and do what we could and then give it all to God.
 I love this quote by Erin Brockovich. We have no agenda. We have nothing to gain. We are just protecting a loved one.
It is so unfortunate that it got to this level.  It got to the point of us getting a social worker involved and  we got advice from State agencies (whom, by the way were on our side). It felt so vindicating to have someone listen and actually see the craziness of the situation and validate that our concerns were not out of line. Because of us standing up and getting the help of a social worker, we have gotten some things to change.
The situation has gotten a little better because we fought so hard and brought it to light, but unfortunately it is still going on. We do feel better that we exposed the injustices and set parameters and boundaries and got things in writing. An agreement has been drawn up that we signed and hopefully signed by the other parties involved. It's not exactly what we wanted, but better than it was before and we believe that if we didn't step in, the situation would be completely out of control right now with our loved one being taken advantage of and financially abused.
I do pray for reconciliation, but at this point, it seems impossible with how the other person feels towards us and the way she is behaving. To me this shows that our relationship does not mean anything to her if she is so willing to just throw it away. I won't lie, it hurts and I'm sad, but we will move on. We have so many wonderful blessings from the Lord to concentrate on.
We fought a good fight, we did the best we could.  Now it is all in God's hands. We trust the Lord and pray for His will. God sees it all and He will reveal things if they need revealing. He's actually already proven that for us. If things continue to get worse, we know God has a plan in all of it and will use it for His glory.

UPDATE: The situation has completely changed! The caretaker who was causing such destruction has lost her job and out of the picture. What is ironic is that it was by her own undoing, she hung up on my husband, started calling and texting both of obsessively and then threatened us by saying, "I'm sure you don't want an unexpected visitor at your door step". It ended with us finally saying, "That sounds like a threat, if you come over here we are calling the police" and it was sent to the whole family. Finally, she was fired.

I offered to talk with the family member and we finally did. She has never apologized, but started reaching out again and we have accepted that. Together as a family we hired a new caregiver and we have many checks and balances set up so protect our loved one and all parties involved really like her. We finally have peace! I am amazed at how God works things out!

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:13


Kathi said...

Well-said Sharon. I will keep you in prayer. God has seen you through all of this and He will continue to do so. Love you, Kathi

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharon,
Praise to you and your husband for standing up for what is right and just. The woman you referenced may call herself a Christian, but her actions and behavior say otherwise.
"Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied"

Jan said...

Sharon, my late husband and I went through something similar with his father. We stood our ground, and were attacked, but we kept our hearts focused on what we needed to accomplish. Many years later, family relationships were still strained and then my husband died suddenly when he was only 52 and I know that many of the people who cut us out of their lived, regretted it.
I felt bad, I keep that situation in mind when facing situations like that.

Praying for you and your family.

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