This blog is simply the story about my little life
with my sweet family that the Lord has blessed me with
and the day in, day out things that we do.
It basically is my online diary/photo album of our life.
I'm glad you're here!

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Sackcloth and ashes

I have been going through the biggest crisis of my entire life. One of my sons is going through a huge trial and has stepped away from Jesus. I really don't know what he is going through. It is so hard to understand. He is being very quiet, but I can tell he is so troubled. I am fighting for my son and it's the biggest fight of my life.

Of course I know that in this life we have troubles, but I never imagined that one of my children would walk away from Jesus. I have gone through disbelief, pain, grief and anger plus every other emotion that any mother would feel. I have never experienced such deep pain. It is like a death. I am so broken. It is on my mind constantly and I am in prayer about it constantly. I am giving it all to God and trusting Him who knows all things and controls all things, but it has been a very difficult path for me.

It's not about me, it's about my son. Oh how I love him. Oh how I want my son to be happy and joyful. I want him to be happy on this earth, but most of all, I want him to have eternal life in heaven. Yes, he is a grown man, but in my heart he is my little boy whom I love so dearly and want to protect. How can I protect and help him if I don't know what's going on. How can he get through this world without relying on Jesus? Our family has a big void. God is good and He gives us joy every day and many, many blessings, but there is still this deep crevasse. I go to the Lord every day for my son and I will never stop.
I have been on my knees praying, fasting and reading God's word. I came across a passage in Esther (chapter 4) which her stepfather, Mordecai, put on sackcloth and ashes when he heard the decree of King Xerxes of Persia to kill all of the Jewish people in the Persian Empire. Mordecai ripped his clothes to shreds and put on sackcloth and ashes and went out into the streets crying out loud in bitter cries. In the end, God used Esther to talk to the king and he revoked his decree.
I started to study the meaning of sackcloth and ashes and learned that it symbolized mourning for personal or national disaster, as a sign of repentance and at times of prayer for deliverance. God honored those that wore sackcloth and ashes.

"So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with Him in prayer and fasting. I also wore rough burlap and sprinkled myself with ashes. I prayed to the Lord my God and confessed: 'O Lord, You are a great and awesome God! You always fulfill Your covenant and keep Your promises of unfailing love to those who love You and obey Your commands. But we have sinned and done wrong. We have rebelled against You and scorned Your commands and regulations.  We have refused to listen to Your servants the prophets, who spoke on Your authority to our kings and princes and ancestors and to all the people of the land.' " Daniel 9:3-6

Of course this is an old symbolic tradition from the Bible, but I felt a strong urge to put on sackcloth and ashes and go before the Lord in prayer and reading scripture. When Jesus came and died on the cross, He became our sacrifice and we no longer are slaves to the laws or the symbolic things. For me, as a desperate, broken mother praying for the soul of her son, I felt the need to empty myself of me and pray with humility before the Lord. By doing this gesture, I felt as though I had really given it all over to God. In the Bible, people put on sackcloth and ashes in public and I guess by posting this it's like walking out into the city gates. I am mourning. I am praying for God's deliverance.
I went before the Lord with a broken and contrite spirit completely empty of myself. I went before the Lord with prayer and petition to save my son. 

I have been suffering, but I am thankful.  I am very thankful for this journey God has put me on, although it has been very difficult, because I have grown in the Lord. I have matured. My trust in Him has not faltered, although, I admit it, there have been many times when I worry and fret and fall into my sinful human nature, but God always brings me back and comforts me with His word. 
I have had to let my dreams go of having my perfect little family and everyone is doing what I had hoped and dreamed they would be doing. Our marriage was good and all four of our sons were walking with Christ and were on target, doing well in their lives. I didn't mean to take pride in this, but I believe I was sinful and prideful. I have been humbled. I am ashamed of how shallow I was. I am trying to learn the lessons that I need to learn. It is more than divorce and all of the ramifications that brings, I am so very concerned about my son's well being and his walk with God. I want my son whole and happy again. I want restoration for him. I want restoration for all of us.

I praise God for this trial. I praise God that He has been with me through it all and I know that there is power in Jesus Christ and He will give us victory. I thank God in advance for answering my prayers. I know that my son is in the palm of God's hand and nothing can grasp him away from God. He asked Jesus into his heart when he was a child and he lived a life for Christ his whole life until two years ago.  I cling to the promises.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

"I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from Me." John 10:28

"If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray." Matthew 18:10-13

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6

"The righteous cry out and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a contrite spirit." Psalm 34:17-18

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance and let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-5

If you feel so led, please lift my son up in prayer. If you have an unsaved loved one, I pray that they will find the Lord Jesus Christ.

Hugs, Sharon


Mary Anne said...

Prayers for your son and all of you, Sharon. God Bless your family.

Carolina Girl said...

Thank you for sharing this. I can understand your pain. Our God is faithful and He hears our pleas. We have to have faith and wait on His timing. It's a struggle for me to wait and be patient. I will lift you and your family up in my prayers. May God give you peace and understanding.

Sue said...

Thoughts and prayers, dear Sharon! I so relate to this post!

Barbara Beach said...

I will lift your son and your family up in prayer. Your prayer will not go unanswered and may you feel the presence of the Holy Spirit as you walk in faith.

Tanza said...

Prayers for you my Christian friend,
This just makes my heart so very heavy, most of all, because we have no reasons to point at, how does someone just walk away from our faith, our Father in heaven, our Lord, and Savior.....You are right when you say you know he is in the palm of HIS hand, we have to rest in that. I will lift you, and him in prayer daily, that he comes back to his faith, and finds the peace and comfort that comes only from our Lord, Jesus Christ. I pray for his ex, and his son, that they stay close to Jesus, and they continue their walk daily.
Sometimes sharing hurt with others, is the best testimony and healing we need.
Right here with you, and just hard core prayers being lifted xo

elizabeth said...

I am praying for your son with you!

Kathi said...

Sharon, I believe in doing things like this. It is very personal. It is like getting on your knees to pray or laying face down to pray. They are physical and symbolic gestures that I believe God honors. He see your brokenness and He is watching over your son. God is faithful and He loves your son even more than you do, and He wants him back in the fold again. I love love love that verse about Jesus leaving the 99 to go back for the one lost sheep. Praise God for His love and tender heart towards His wayward sheep. I also love that painting of Jesus, the Good Shepherd reaching down with His staff to get the crying little scared lamb. I love you so much Sharon. Kathi

Mardell said...

I'll continue to pray, Sharon. Always.

Cecelia said...

I have prayed for your son, and will continue. Thank you
for sharing your spiritual consecration with us. In the same
passage, they fasted for three days, and The Lord intervened.
He hears you! God bless you.

Mimi said...

I will pray for your sweet family, hold on to the promise of God and know that only He can bring your son back to where he should be.
He may be drifting, but God knows where he is, what he is doing and God has His arms around Him. He may have to stumble and fall, but God will be there to pick him back up.

,,Hugs and prayers>>

Judy said...

Oh Sharon, thoughts and prayers continue to go out to your son, and to you and the rest of your family as I'm sure this has been hard on them as well. I'm going to a Women of Faith event this weekend and I will ask those around me to also pray for you all in this troubling time.

kelly said...

This hits home more then you can imagine.....I continue to keep him and all whom this is affecting in prayer. God will prevail. The faith is always there...even when we cannot see itl

Jayne said...

You don't know me, but I will pray!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...