This blog is simply the story about my little life
with my sweet family that the Lord has blessed me with
and the day in, day out things that we do.
It basically is my online diary/photo album of our life.
I'm glad you're here!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

To every life a little rain must fall....

 We've had a ton of rain here in Oregon lately. (please go to the bottom of my blog and click on the video for the song Praise you in this Storm by Casting Crowns).
 One day when I was going to work I was shocked to see how flooded the ditches and fields were!
 See that lake out there in that field...
 ...well, it's normally NOT there! Isn't that crazy!
 I checked out our seasonal creek to find this raging river!
 Wow...what happened to our babbling brook?
Anyway, I just wanted to share with you that I've been hit hard lately with the blues. These pictures go perfect with what I'm going to talk about, just like that old phrase, "To every life a little rain must fall."
Well, I'll tell you that I don't like it, in fact, I hate it when the blues creep in.
Depression doesn't make sense.
It's not discriminatory either.
It can hit any of us any time.
I was always a very cheerful person. I was optimistic and always saw the good side of things. I was a fun person, always joking and making people laugh. I can still be that way, but I feel like lately I'm draggy, negative, complaining and depressing and I am not showing the light of Jesus in my life.
One of my sisters struggled with the blues and I would talk to her and say, just think happy thoughts. Basically I was telling her to snap out of it. I was terrible. I did not understand because I had not been in her shoes.
I think I had my first bout with the blues probably in my mid 30s. It was a short bout and quickly passed. I finally knew though what my sister was talking about.
It's weird because when the dark clouds lift, I almost can't even remember it, yet when I'm in the middle of it, I can't see that there will be an end.
My new bout of sadness started promptly last Tuesday evening and was really bad on Wednesday. I feel like it could be lifting a bit now, but I am still in it.
Truthfully, I've been struggling with this on and off for the past couple of years. Normally it comes and goes in a day or two and this has been a longer bout. Also, the bouts seem to come more often and closer together than they ever used to.
But this still does not help me get out of the funk. I really feel like I need to analyze this and get to the bottom of it.
I have prayed and read scripture and listened to worship songs. I've taken walks and talked to God. I've served others. It just won't lift.
I think that it has something to do with the fact that my kids are grown and I really, really miss the days when they were young and I was their mother. I had a purpose. I was needed. I was wanted.
I feel so ashamed to be feeling like this and talking about it, but I want to be real.
Here I am, married to my high school sweetheart, still in love after 35 years, I am so blessed by my four sons and daughter-in-love and two more daughter-in-loves coming into our family soon. I have a beautiful grandson. I have my sisters and many friends and my husband and I still have all four of our parents with us. I have a great part time job at a doctor's office and we have this big new beautiful home and property. I am blessed and I know it, but what do I do with myself when I feel like this?
I do think that part of my problem is that I am tired and I feel like I can't get everything done. I want to have time to help my husband on our property, see my grandson and help with the upcoming weddings. I need time to help our parents. I also am ready for a job that gives me more satisfaction and fulfillment. But...right now I can't change these things, so what do I do?
I'm almost to the point of talking to my doctor about this, but I did just have all my labs done and my numbers are good. My doctor did mention my B12 was on the low side and she gave me a shot, but that didn't seem to help anything. My sister said to try vitamin D3. I am menopausal and that can definitely have something do with it.
As a Christian, I want to lean on God. I want to trust Him. I want to go to the scriptures to be comforted and that is what I am doing. There is hope in the Lord!!! I want to be obedient to Him. I want to trust Him in this storm. I found a neat devotional from the 70s called At the Name of Jesus by Sarah Hornsby. It's full of meditations on the names of Jesus and it is very comforting. Here are some excerpts from that book.
Jesus is the bright morning star. I, Jesus, have sent My angel to testify to you these things for the churches. I am the root and the descendant of David, the bright morning star.” The Spirit and the bride say, “Come.” And let the one who hears say, “Come.” And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost." Revelation 22:16b-17

Jesus is sufficient. "And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me." II Corinthians 12:9

Jesus is the answer. "Call to me, and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3
Jesus is our Spring Rain.  He is abundant goodness of God which waters the late-sown crops. Jesus says...As the ground is still and allows the rain to refresh it and to soak into it, I desire you to be still before Me. Drink in My love and acceptance of you. To your amazement you will produce delicious nourishing fruit for many...

Come, let us return to the LordFor He has torn us, but He will heal us; He has wounded us, but He will bandage us. “He will revive us after two days; He will raise us up on the third day, That we may live before Him. “So let us know, let us press on to know the LordHis going forth is as certain as the dawn; And He will come to us like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth.” Hosea 6:1-3

Hugs, Sharon


sherry. said...

dear sweet sharon .. i completely understand about depression (snippets or lengthy) so i'm holding you in my heart and lifting you up in prayer. it could be something the Lord is allowing for His greater glory, or it could be a hormonal issue requiring a visit to your doctor (especially if you're in a perimenopausal age). regardless, right now you're hurting and i'm ever so sorry. {{{gentle hug}}}

Anonymous said...

Dear Sharon I am lifting you up in prayer and asking the Lord for His perfect will for you and His help as you go through this. I so understand what you have described. I find I have so much in common with you from reading your blog, even this. I truly pray that you will be through this fog soon. When I go through these times, I ask myself the same as you...'why?' I have so many blessings from the Lord, a wonderful marriage and family life, and I could list on and on the blessings , but that cloud just comes and nothing anyone could say or do will help- its such a strange thing. But I do know that it does make me see when I don't have it, how wonderful things are and to see the comparison. I also know that God allows what He allows for His purpose and have learned that it MUST be for His perfect reasons that we may not understand.
If we didn't have the rain and the storms then we wouldn't see or understand the beauty of the rainbow.
I was so happy for you when you moved to your new place- it seems so perfect for you all and I had to be so careful not to be coveting and envious. I dream of a place similar to yours for our family and just feels like it won't ever happen. But I know all things are possible with God and if He allows it, then it will be and if not, I will be content. I thank you so much for 'being real'. It is so refreshing and a real blessing to read a 'real' person - your blog has ministered to me in this way and has helped me because of your candor and openness. Sometimes I feel sad that many of the blogs I began reading either have gone away or have turned into 'walking commercials' that the real person doesn't come through behind them.
Thankful for your blog and for you sharing your heart.
God bless you.

Mardell said...

Hi Sharon,
I wish could feel my long extended hugs from me to you. Not sure if they'd help, but know that I'm thinking of you. The first thing I thought was menopause (I'm going to be 50 this year, and no signs of it yet, but I think about it every time my mood swings!) It can do some really whacky things to you....have you ever considered anti-depressants? I'm on the fence with them, myself...however, perhaps you've thought about it? You brought up a very good point about not being able to do all the things you want to do, and that in itself can make you feel stressed and anxious. You are very much a pleaser, & it makes you feel good when you help others. I love that about you.

To quote you: "I had a purpose. I was needed. I was wanted." And you STILL ARE. Please remember that. Look how many lives you have blessed; including all of us here in Blog Land! I check yours every day. You are so uplifting and positive all the time. You're funny too ~ AND take great pictures! And you're CUTE as a BUTTON!

Sending you hugs and special prayers. And hope you dry out soon. We're still in the single digits here, so still lots of snow here on the East coast.

as always starzie said...

Hi Sharon, I believe hormones have a lot to do with our moods and well being. And you probably are right in the middle of one of the biggest hormonal changes in your life. Don't feel alone because many women go through a real identity crisis during this change. Your children grow up and leave home and become adults on their own. That can leave a women feeling empty and wondering if it's possible to find a new purpose in their life that is as fulfilling as being a Mom. I think you will find your children will always need you but in a different way than they did as children. There are many natural ways to treat a women going through the change of life. You might do some research on this subject. But most important don't feel alone. It might be helpful to talk to other women that are also going through the same changes you are. Don't worry you will find your way! This is coming from a women that has gone through this change of life. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Grandchildren have a way of lifting your spirits and bringing purpose and joy into your life! Also, this is a new time of life as husband and wife. You really seem to do well in that area! Sorry if I made this time of your life sound so easy because truthfully it can be a very challenging time, but just know with faith you will be just fine!

Sue said...

Sending thoughts and prayers to you today Sharon, I am empathizing with you as I have been there, my blues hit me hard when I went through menopause, you are doing the right things depending on God,through prayer, and studying His word, and sharing with others and you, like me have a very caring and understanding family. God is so faithful!

Congratulations to Grayson and Rachelle!

Kathi said...

Sharon, I agree with all of the above comments. I love you so much. I know this is real, for I have had these same feelings come and go. I too, like you have found such comfort in Scripture. God is so good. I pray the Lord lifts this sadness off of you. I love you very much. Kathi

Anonymous said...

Hope you are feeling better today. This is a part of life for most of us if not all of us. You have had a very busy life raising 4 boys and it has tapered off to one at home, menopausal type changes too, being older our bodies change, we cant eat as we use to, dont sleep as we use to, you have 2 sets of parents you care for, your job, Eric- pamper yourself, if you need help, talk to a doctor or counselor - they can give perspective and listen, count your blessings, find a need in the community or your church and give back, every day is a new day, dont beat yourself up for the day before, start anew and afresh in the Lord. He has a plan for you.

Judy said...

Sending thoughts and prayers your way. I am so glad that you are feeling better, there's nothing worse than feeling like that. I do know a bit about how you are feeling. I found that when I did feel low I just took a "mental" day and did nothing. I didn't mope around, I would like a commenter said, I pampered myself. I would settle in and watch a movie, I ate whatever I felt like eating, I just babied me and that seemed to take me out of it. I wouldn't allow myself to think about anything but what I wanted and by the next day I was feeling like my old self.
You are so right, God is good always.

Anonymous said...

Dear,dear Sharon,
My heart goes out to you. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for years. A few years ago I went back to church ... a lapsed catholic. I now go to Hillsong. My growing faith has helped me so much with my depression and anxiety. However I still have those dark times like you describe, "It's weird because when the dark clouds lift, I almost can't even remember it, yet when I'm in the middle of it, I can't see that there will be an end." I sometimes feel guilty like you because I am so blessed. What I'm trying to say is don't feel guilty, it's ok to feel like this, it's okay to get help outside of scripture and prayer. Talk to people, talk to professionals. If your arm was broken you would pray and see a doctor. Remember He loves you so much. Love Erica.

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