This blog is simply the story about my little life
with my sweet family that the Lord has blessed me with
and the day in, day out things that we do.
It basically is my online diary/photo album of our life.
I'm glad you're here!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

On my knees....

I've been so busy and so stressed lately. Our youngest son, Hayden, is getting ready to graduate from high school and there are so many things involved with that, which is enough to stress a mom, but I have even more added stress! I have gone through this three times already and I should be a pro by now, but Hayden's story is a little different than my older boys.
My oldest two sons enrolled in the local community college and lived at home, so this process was not very hard or stressful.  Our lives pretty much went on as they were. The next son got an internship at a utility company and he chose not to go to college (he ended up get hired on there permanently) and he continued to live at home.
Hayden running with the ball
Hayden is different because he really wants to play football in college. This has been very involved and time consuming. We started last November talking with his high school counselor about FASFA, college applications, student loans, SAT, etc. That's just for the college part, he also had the athletic application process which started with putting together his football highlights DVD. Hayden got that all together last January and put it on YouTube. Then we started applying to all of the local colleges that have football programs.
We sent his football DVD to about 16 colleges and he's had favorable responses and interest from four of them. Through a process of elimination, we are down to two schools that really want him to play football, but unfortunately there are no football scholarships. We have sent in all of the applications for federal assistance and his final applications to the schools. We have been in fervent prayer this whole time, but now it's time to really pray. We have done everything that we needed to do and there is nothing left for us accept to lay it all in God's hands. This is actually a great place to be. I am still also praying for that wild card of a school that we weren't expecting to call him and make him an offer.
Last week was a hard week. My stomach was in knots. I was worried and fretful. Hayden was talking about joining the Air Force ROTC program to help pay for his college, which I really would be so proud of and my heart was open to it. Hayden has talked of about joining the service for a few years, so this sounds like a great solution. It seems like a perfect answer, it will pay for his college and he would have a great job when he got out of college, but I was uneasy and could not sleep. I did not have peace about it. It's weird when you think something is right in your head, but your heart tells you something different. Sunday at church the pastor spoke right to me about having hope in the Lord and believing that the Lord will provide. He shared this passage with us:

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

The pastor talked about asking God to provide and asking for His favor. He said that Hope implies expecting something good, something favorable from God. And the scripture above says that He will give us joy and peace as we trust in Him! Isn't He amazing! I continued to to pray and give it all to God, especially the part about the Air Force. Well, on Monday, the doors were absolutely shut with the ROTC program with these two remaining schools. While both schools do have the program, it's actually held in a big city where the students have to travel an hour to go to their ROTC classes 10 hours a week (I did not like the idea of Hayden driving an hour into the big city once a week with his little, old truck). Both coaches feel that it would not work with playing football, going to college and studying, it would just be too hard to do. We were bummed about it, but I'm thankful for the answer and I got such a peace about it.
I am still praying, but I am confused as to what to even pray because there are so many aspects to all of this.   Another factor to add in here for me is that my older three sons all lived at home until they were about 21. My husband and I liked this because we felt it helped them with their growth and maturity. When they moved out, they were really ready and so were we. This is all new to me to send my child off to college at age 18.  So through confusion, I continue to pray, but, you know what? God knows my heart!! He knows I'm conflicted and He knows that this situation is complex.
Me and my precious baby boy
God knows that my prayers about my son are from the pure love of a mother's heart, wanting what's best for him. I have prayed like this for all of my sons. Above all, I want God's will, but I also want Hayden to achieve his dreams and I also want my desires which is to see him achieve his dreams, but I'd prefer to have him close to home. I'm praying that God will place him in the college where he needs to be for his own growth, get a great education, play football, that's affordable and above else where he will glorify God.
The whole family dedicating baby Hayden to the Lord, December 1993
Why do I worry about my boy? We dedicated him to the Lord when he was a baby. We have raised him in the Lord to live for the Lord and to glorify the Lord. We have raised all of our sons like this. It is wrong of me to worry, but I think it just goes with the territory of being a mother. I need to stop worrying and I need to completely trust God! Hayden is in God's hands and God has a plan for Hayden's life. I know, that I know, that I know that this is true!
Hayden and I after one of his games, will we get another picture like this with him in a college uniform?
I'm praying that wherever God places Hayden, he will be successful, happy, meet neat friends, get plugged into a church and stay close to the Lord and he can play football. I'm praying that it's close enough that he can drive home on weekends. I'm asking God for it all. Why not? God is in the business of miracles.
And if it all falls through, I will not fret. I will know that it's God's will because we prayed. We fasted and prayed. We did all that we could do within our human abilities and we gave the rest to God. We are actually in a nice spot right now, curled up in God's lap waiting for His answer. I trust in Thee.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." II Corinthians 4:16-18

"Therefore I say to you, Whatever things ye desire when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them."Mark 11:24

"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and never forget all He hath done for thee." Psalm 103:2

Can I also ask a few of you prayer warrior friends of mine to please pray for us too? Thank you so much! God is so faithful and so good!

Hugs, Sharon


Sue said...

I am honored, and count it a privilege to help you all pray Sharon! God is so faithful and so good all the time.

Anonymous said...

Sharon I have read your blog for a long time now and really enjoy it. I can relate to you on many levels : decorating, family, and love of the Lord. Boy did this hit home. When you truly love your children so deeply it is hard to just pray and trust God. Even though we feel we should. I will say a prayer for you. If you would I would ask that you pray for me too. I have one son and one daughter. We have a lot going on right now and would appreciate prayer. Thanks.

Rose of Sharon said...

Yes, anonymous, I will pray for you! Sometimes it's really hard being a mom. Our love for our kids can be overwhelming. But God does know our hearts and He does care more about our kids than we do. I wish you the best!

Thank you Sue for your prayers!

Kathi said...

Sharon, I will be praying for Hayden too. What a beautiful post about God's continuously fulfilling His promises in your family and for your boys. I love you, Kathi

Mardell said...

You certainly have my prayers, Sharon. I got a lump in my throat reading this thread (& seeing the pics.) Please keep us chicks updated on the happenings when you can. You're a wonderful Mom!!!

Hugs from NY!

as always starzie said...

You have my prayers Sharon! Having three children myself I know what you are going through! We just need to know God has a plan for all of our children! And that plan is unfolding everyday for them. Haydens highest good is coming to him today and in the future! Take care!

Mary Anne said...

Hi Sharon,

I will definitely pray for you. I am in a very similar boat. My daughter is a senior this year and will be going off to college in the fall. The difference for me is that she is my oldest, so this is my first time letting one leave the nest. I would love to join you in praying not only for each of us but also for all the other mothers out there who are in this stage of life:)

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